I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to vent my angry. My husband that I share 2 kids with, whom I been with for 13 years. I recently caughty him calling hookers, he said its an addiction he has had for many many years. Although never acted upon it just felt the need to call them. I figured if I could stay and help me we would work together and possibly build on our relationship. Well here I am about a month later of discovery. He has then became very spiritual and started reading books and has been very verbal about making change. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? Well NO not really, He has been saying that we arent compatible and we are going down two different paths. Now he is trying to guild me in the same path. Im so ANGRY I can scream. Here I am trying to be at his beck and call and he tells me that we arent "SOUL MATE" I dont understand him....How can this be, just a month ago he was calling up to 40 hookers a day?? Im so lost just feel like shit. Because now he is pointing everything at me. When he talks to me he says things to me like. LIVE IN THE NOW! What happen in the past is gone...He is always asking me how I feel this moment. I just dont understand...Well thanks for reading.
> I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to vent my > angry. My husband that I share 2 kids with, whom I been with for 13 > years. I recently caughty him calling hookers, he said its an > addiction he has had for many many years. Although never acted upon it > just felt the need to call them. I figured if I could stay and help me > we would work together and possibly build on our relationship. Well > here I am about a month later of discovery. He has then became very > spiritual and started reading books and has been very verbal about > making change. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? Well NO not really, He has been > saying that we arent compatible and we are going down two different > paths. Now he is trying to guild me in the same path. Im so ANGRY I > can scream. Here I am trying to be at his beck and call and he tells > me that we arent "SOUL MATE" I dont understand him....How can this be, > just a month ago he was calling up to 40 hookers a day?? Im so lost > just feel like shit. Because now he is pointing everything at me. When > he talks to me he says things to me like. LIVE IN THE NOW! What happen > in the past is gone...He is always asking me how I feel this moment. I > just dont understand...Well thanks for reading.
It's not so hard to understand - he wants you to "live in the now" and think that what happened "in the past is gone" because he thinks that gets him off the hook for calling the hookers! He's trying to get off scot free by trying to get you to forget about all that as if it never happened. You don't have to play that stupid game, though. He did you wrong, so to speak, and you have a right to work through this at YOUR pace, not his. One possible approach would be to tell him that if he wants to keep you, he needs to make things right with you - not try to push it under the rug. Which is what he is doing.
> I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to vent my > angry. My husband that I share 2 kids with, whom I been with for 13 > years. I recently caughty him calling hookers, he said its an > addiction he has had for many many years. Although never acted upon it > just felt the need to call them. I figured if I could stay and help me > we would work together and possibly build on our relationship. Well > here I am about a month later of discovery. He has then became very > spiritual and started reading books and has been very verbal about > making change. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? Well NO not really, He has been > saying that we arent compatible and we are going down two different > paths. Now he is trying to guild me in the same path. Im so ANGRY I > can scream. Here I am trying to be at his beck and call and he tells > me that we arent "SOUL MATE" I dont understand him....How can this be, > just a month ago he was calling up to 40 hookers a day?? Im so lost > just feel like shit. Because now he is pointing everything at me. When > he talks to me he says things to me like. LIVE IN THE NOW! What happen > in the past is gone...He is always asking me how I feel this moment. I > just dont understand...Well thanks for reading.
Your husbands sexual "addiction" is very likely a form of deviant escapism. Very often a such a person engages in a number of thinking errors to maintain their denial (that there is something terribly wrong in their life.)
The challenge is for your husband to figure out and face what is wrong in his life, then go about the process of correcting the situation. A counselor can help, but due to the sexual nature of his "addiction", and the danger that he may pose to you and your children, he is unlikely to seek counseling on his own accord. And since most people are inherently lazy when it comes to improving themselves, he would probably rather seek to change others (so that he can stay the same) rather than undertake the necessary changes which would lead to genuine self-contentment and improvement.
Being at his "beck and call" only enables and perpetuates his deviance, so be aware that you are directly contributing to the problem, and not the solution. Any time a spouse contributes more to the relationship, because the other capable spouse refuses to, the imbalance creates resentment, hostility and disrespect that undermine the foundation of a healthy, happy relationship.
As a parent, your duty to your children requires that you demonstrate what a healthy, successful relationship is like, so that they may model their own upon your example(s). Since your husband is unlikely to assist you in setting a good example, you may need to ask him to leave, as long as he is likely to set a bad example.
If he does leave, stipulate the terms of his return - a letter from a competent psycho-therapist, stating that your husband is earnestly engaged in corrective treatment for his deviance, and is ready to begin reunion with his family. Otherwise get a divorce, and seek a better mate with whom you can enjoy your life, and demonstrate a happy, successful relationship for your children.
Also, you too may benefit from counseling, just to make sure that your own conduct is beyond reproach and is not threatening your children's future happiness.
> I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to vent my > angry. My husband that I share 2 kids with, whom I been with for 13 > years. I recently caughty him calling hookers, he said its an > addiction he has had for many many years. Although never acted upon it > just felt the need to call them. I figured if I could stay and help me > we would work together and possibly build on our relationship. Well > here I am about a month later of discovery. He has then became very > spiritual and started reading books and has been very verbal about > making change. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? Well NO not really, He has been > saying that we arent compatible and we are going down two different > paths. Now he is trying to guild me in the same path. Im so ANGRY I > can scream. Here I am trying to be at his beck and call and he tells > me that we arent "SOUL MATE" I dont understand him....How can this be, > just a month ago he was calling up to 40 hookers a day?? Im so lost > just feel like shit. Because now he is pointing everything at me. When > he talks to me he says things to me like. LIVE IN THE NOW! What happen > in the past is gone...He is always asking me how I feel this moment. I > just dont understand...Well thanks for reading.
A sex addict? To me what you describe is not sexual addiction, IMO. Unless he calls the women and then meets up with them and bada-bing! It is *something* though. Maybe it is more like porn addiction, but more because he is speaking with someone who, I am guessing, is turning him on? Is he giving himself pleasure while talking with them?
Your email addy is sexygirlcouture, so it doesn't seem like you don't enjoy sexual, uh, ness, or that you are very reserved.
Your marriage does seem to have some major problems though. How about going to a marriage counselor and sorting this all out?
On Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:53:15 -0700 (PDT), Ver wrote: > I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to vent my > angry. My husband that I share 2 kids with, whom I been with for 13 > years. I recently caughty him calling hookers, he said its an > addiction he has had for many many years. Although never acted upon it > just felt the need to call them. I figured if I could stay and help me > we would work together and possibly build on our relationship. Well > here I am about a month later of discovery. He has then became very > spiritual and started reading books and has been very verbal about > making change. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? Well NO not really, He has been > saying that we arent compatible and we are going down two different > paths. Now he is trying to guild me in the same path. Im so ANGRY I > can scream. Here I am trying to be at his beck and call and he tells > me that we arent "SOUL MATE" I dont understand him....How can this be, > just a month ago he was calling up to 40 hookers a day?? Im so lost > just feel like shit. Because now he is pointing everything at me. When > he talks to me he says things to me like. LIVE IN THE NOW! What happen > in the past is gone...He is always asking me how I feel this moment. I > just dont understand...Well thanks for reading.
He doesn't sound like a sex addict... sounds confused and is questioning his commitment to you, and the life you two have been building, and maybe your sex life. Also sounds like he wants you to look hard at the relationship as well. It's possible time has the two of you growing apart.
As for the "beck and call" part, many men including myself do not like what that typically means and what often comes with it; passive aggressive behavior.
I would suggest you step back and take stock in your feelings, desires and look at the truths that you have probably been ignoring for some time and reason.
